FROM THE “GET A LIFE” DEPT.

Office supply retailer OfficeMax is set to enter the Guinness World Records Book next week when it unveils what it claims is the Largest Rubber Band Ball in the world (?), put together by one Steve Milton of Eugene, Ore. Milton says he started building the ball a year ago in his garage using OfficeMax rubber bands. The orb now stands 5 ½ feet high, is 19 feet around, weighs some 4,000 pounds and was built using more than 175,000 rubber bands obtained from the chain. "OfficeMax is honored to sponsor Steve Milton as he nears his date with fame, Nov. 21, when his rubber band ball is proclaimed by judges from the world-famous Guinness World Records as the Largest Rubber Band Ball," a company rep declared. Wait, it gets better: “After the Nov. 21 weighing, the newly crowned Largest Rubber Band Ball will celebrate its coronation by appearing in the Nov. 23 McDonald's Thanksgiving Day Parade for the first time in its hometown of Chicago.” And it’ll probably be prominently featured on every local newscast that night. And Steve will go back to toiling in obscurity. It’s a cruel world.