YOU WON; NOW DIE

It’s got to be a tough gig trying to sell death, but an online company called Irish Urns.com is giving it a shot. In order to drum up (Wake up? Liven up?) business, the outfit is sponsoring a contest, where entrants are encouraged to describe—in 500 words or less—their own wake. “The entrant who puts the most thought into describing his or her ideal Irish wake will win a Celtic cross stone obelisk. When the time comes, the stone can be placed in a yard or garden in order to reflect the recipient's proud Irish heritage,” the company said in a release. Having been to one or two of these “events” in the past, we can confidently say that any successful essay might be required to mention “beer.” (Be quiet! We’re Irish; We’re allowed to say that!) Sometimes the truth hurts.