"HERE, PUT THIS BRA ON YOUR FACE"

Feeling all puffy and saggy in the face, but you have a big ‘event” coming up? “A cosmetic inventor has released The Face Wrap facial sculpting system that can smooth and trim faces for quick appearance fixes before summer weddings and reunions,” they tell us. Naturally, there’s a small drawback, because in order to use the system successfully, you have to utilize not only their “special minerals,” but keep them all close to your skin via “The Face Bra.” (Yes, really.) We couldn’t access the video at their site , but there is a photo of the contraption under the section heading “The Face Wrap.” They recommend using the system about 20 times at 30-60 minutes each for noticeable results. We’d rather be puffy.