Short Takes

NICHE, NICHE, NICHE

Yesterday we noted how some marketers are experiencing success by reaching out to specialized, niche customers and selling directly to them. Now faithful reader Maureen T., who sells ads for a disability magazine, points us in the direction of the Intimate Rider.com Web site. WAIT! Don’t click on it yet; it’s a mite unsafe for work. The product, looking for all the world like a low-profile weight-lifting bench and chair, is for another type of workout entirely (He said, with one eyebrow raised.), that of a more, ummm,personal nature. It’s being marketed for people with disabilities, which is great; Why shouldn’t they get in on the fun? But a quick question: How come the people demonstrating it in the video aren’t disabled? (Be REAL careful viewing this one.) And as the “main unit” goes for $495, you might just want to consider buying a rocking chair and cutting off its arms. Same thing.

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE….

For those who take the above story to its logical conclusion, they might well need this next product shortly thereafter. A nursing mother who didn’t like the idea of draping a blanket over herself and her infant at feeding time is marketing the MoBoleez. It’s a big floppy hat with a small head opening that baby will wear while nursing. “We want moms to feel comfortable, but also proud of what they are doing, and celebrate breastfeeding in a way that is fun and stylish,” said a company rep. Being male, we’ll have to take her word for it. A picture of the hat “in action,” as well as ordering information is available at the MoBoleez.com Web site.

PENNY-PINCHERS REJOICE

When we take the wife to the movies, we like to “Stick it to the man” by sneaking in a pack of Twizzlers and some bottled water in her bag. We feel positively wicked! If you need that kind of rush, take a hint from the folks pushing The Beer Belly.com, a portable bladder that straps to a man’s chest and looks, under his shirt, just like what its name implies: a homegrown beer belly. (With special thanks for the tip-off to regular reader Maria P.) But the beauty is, the wearer fills it beforehand with up to 80 ounces of his favorite chilled beverage. Said liquid can then be accessed either by a special tube or by refilling your cup, and the ushers are none the wiser. It’s all explained at The Beer Belly.com, and we especially look forward to their coming offering for women, The WineRack, which is expected to sit about 10 inches above the belly, if you get our drift. Who thinks up these things?

WHO LEFT GRANDMA OUT ON THE PORCH?

We keep getting pitches for death-related products, and we continue to be amazed at how good marketers are at identifying ever-newer niches within this arena. Today’s offering comes courtesy of LifeSong Urns.com, which is selling wind chimes designed to hold a cremated loved one’s ashes. (We now pause for JUST a moment to contemplate how ANYONE could have thought this up. The mind boggles.) The idea is simple, really; Buy the wind chime, dump the ashes in there, seal it up and hang it somewhere. Every time you hear the chimes sounding, you think of the dead person within. Brrrrrr! But you have to have REALLY liked them; The thing goes for $295 plus shipping. Back on the shelf, Nana.

DOG DAY AFTERNOONS

Speaking of niches, online pet supply site Moochie & Co. is claiming some new territory for itself with a June marketing angle that’s rather unique. The company is not only offering Father’s Day apparel for pets, but also has a line of doggie T-shirts for Gay Pride Month, with copy reading “I have 2 Daddies” or “I have 2 Mommies.” Said a company rep in a release: “We wanted to celebrate Father's Day by recognizing the bond between dogs and their gay owners.” The company also decided to expand on the parenting concept by launching the Moochie Registry. “Just as brides-to-be and expectant parents register for wedding and baby shower presents, new pet parents [now] have a pet registry of their very own.” They’re probably gonna make a fortune.

BACCHUS WOULD BE PROUD

With all the limits on alcohol-related advertising these days, the Web would seem to be the next logical choice for purveyors of adult beverages. That theory will be tested on June 1 with the launch of The Winery Channel.tv, a site devoted to all things grape. The site will offer interviews with distinguished winemakers, as well as tips on pairing food and wine from noted restaurateurs. And, like any new endeavor, the owners seem ready to throw everything up there and see what sticks. They also note they’ll be featuring “‘Comics on Wine,’ [showcasing] hot new comedians, ‘Rex Havoc and His Horse Brokeback,’ (?) [offering] wine tips from a cowboy's perspective, (??) and the animated ‘Bacco DiVino,’ bringing a humorous touch to the world of wine.” We’re dizzy already.

A PERFECT GIFT: CARDS AND EMBARRASSMENT

Ubiquitous greeting card maker Hallmark is trying to drum up a little business for Father’s Day by appealing to the egomaniac in dads everywhere with its “Daddy of All Dance-Offs” contest. Full details are at Hallmark.com, but in short, the company is inviting dads to send in videos of themselves dancing. Local winners at regional “dance-offs” will win a 42” flat-screen TV. The “No. 1 Dancing Dad,” selected via online votes just before Father’s Day, gets to claim that title and a $5,000 cash prize. But the value of getting to mortify your own kids in a nationwide event such as this is, as they say, priceless. Gotta find that video camera!

DUCT TAPE WORKS, TOO

We can appreciate toddlers’ harried parents trying to find solutions to everyday problems, and then trying to market those solutions and make a buck or two. But the new Bottlelink product by Bottlelink L.L.C. seems a tad overwrought. The device is a plastic chain that attaches to a baby’s bottle on one end, and a high chair on the other. The idea is that when the kid pitches the baby bottle (as youngsters do to make mommy or daddy fetch it, along with colorful phrases after the umpteenth time), it won’t hit the floor but will instead stay within reach—and out of reach of dirt and germs. Not the worst idea we’ve seen all year, but what fun is mealtime for the kid without a little give and take?

SPEAKING OF GIVE AND TAKE

Any time you’re feeling overly challenged at work, be glad you’re not the marketer for condom company Durex. They’ve just come out with a new product, a ring with the catchy name of “Play Vibrations.” (With thanks to faithful reader Chuck S. for the heads-up.) But the challenge comes in how they’re going to describe this new ring (Which, ummm, doesn’t go on one’s “finger,” if you get our drift) without running afoul of certain “community standards,” given all the recent kerfuffle in broadcast radio. While we’re trying to be as circumspect as possible (and, admittedly, blushing madly) you can just as easily see it for yourself at Propose The Ring.com. The site’s sort of unsafe for work, so turn that computer screen away from the door, and lower the volume. See how we watch out for you?

HOLIDAY GEEK ALERT

If you haven’t already made some holiday weekend plans, you’re in luck; today’s the day the U.S. Postal Service officially unveils the new Star Wars Commemorative Stamps series. Starting today, the Postal Service will provide broadcast-quality video downloads of the production of the new stamps series, as well as footage of several Star Wars movies, courtesy of Lucasfilm. The video downloads are available from the NewsRoom section of the U.S. Postal Service Web site. Why you’d actually want to see the production of the series is anyone’s guess, but we tip our hats to the marketing geniuses at Lucasfilm, who continue to milk this cash-cow for all it’s worth. Well done!