RUBBING US THE WRONG WAY

Panasonic is aiming their sights at rich people who like pampering via the new EP30005 Massage Chair. In a release, the electronics giant touts the product’s “mind-boggling 1,117 massage modes, giving the chair the kind of range only expert human massage experts [Ed.: “Paging the Department of Redundancy Department!”] have possessed in the past. The chair scans the body of the user, then provides a highly customized arm massage, seat massage, and foot massage along with others.” Wow, we’re sold. (Actually, they had us at “Massage Chair.”) But then we visited Panasonic Massage Chairs.com and saw that the device goes for a muscle-tensing $4,499.95. Y’know, folks send us samples of their crap all the time. Why can’t someone send us one of these?!