Short Takes

METER-MADE

In our community, they’re removing parking meters and making drivers get a receipt from a machine for their numbered parking slot. Said receipt is then supposed to be put on the dashboard to avoid a ticket. Now a U.K. entrepreneur has taken that idea to the next level by marketing a special holder for the receipt, presumably to make it easier for enforcement officers to see that you’re in compliance. Seems like overkill to us, but if it helps beat a ticket, why not? Details and ordering info are at Parka Patch.com.

THE WONDER OF IT ALL

The folks who invented the WonderPizza vending system had a great idea: piping hot pizza from a machine in less than two minutes. But they really need to pay attention to the small details, like, for instance, how their carefully crafted sales copy translates into another language. Got this heads-up from Short Takes fan Dave M., who was kind enough to send along a Spanish translation from the WonderPizza-Spain site: “Pizza is an exquisite food, that not only delights but that also it satisfies. And extremely it is balanced from the nutricional point of view, fitting totally in the new tendency towards the Mediterranean food, that all the nutricionales doctors and studies guarantee more and more.” Want to see more? Google “WonderPizza” and click on the “translate this” button of the overseas sites. Oh, go ahead, it’s Friday; you’re done for the week anyway!

RECYCLING AT ITS TASTIEST

Kentucky Bourbon barrels are something we give zero thought to, so we were pleased to learn that the folks who make Kentucky Bourbon are trying to be good stewards of the Earth by recycling the old wooden containers. Kentucky Barrels.com is marketing the oaken casks as rain barrels, to be used to collect runoff water, which is then recycled for gardening and other uses. They come complete with a downspout adapter on top and a brass faucet near the bottom. They seem a bit pricey at $125, but considering what they used to hold, we bet that water is mighty tasty.

PAGING CAPTAIN OBVIOUS

When you market something as common as an envelope, it’s gotta be a tough road to draw attention. So we sympathize with the Envelope Manufacturers Association Foundation, who undertook a survey to see how folks feel about, well envelopes. Bottom line?> They like ’em. According to the EMAF, “60% of respondents said that envelopes were the safest vehicle” for written communications (Ed.: As opposed to WHAT?), and 78% of respondents preferred receiving their bills in an envelope in the mail, [and] 75% of respondents preferred receiving their financial statements other than bills in an envelope in the mail.” (Woo, we’re dizzy.) Be sure to tune in next week when the American Beverage Association reports that thirsty people enjoy a cold drink.

. . . OR THEY COULD USE THIS

Parking Logistics of Dallas is trying to get a new idea off the ground. It’s a Web-based platform for finding and reserving parking spaces. We personally just cruise around the block a few times until a spot opens up, but the company thinks thy have a better way utilizing navigation systems or a PC to reserve your spot ahead of time. No word on what it’ll cost, as they’re still in beta and looking for investors. Details are at Parking Logistics.net, but if we had a say, we’d change the name. They want to call the new entity “PSpotz.” Um, ew.

OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN

We always assumed being on Donald Trump’s Marketing 101 show, The Apprentice, would lead to HUGE things. We may have to rethink that after the following popped up in our inbox: “Bradford Cohen, Formerly of the Apprentice, Announces the Opening of 1-800-Muffins.com.” Yeah, it’s a Web site where you can order muffins online. We think the idea is you send someone a dozen muffins as a gift, hence their tagline, “because muffins taste better than flowers.” But still, dude: Muffins? See for yourself if the idea has merit at 1-800-Muffins.com. As for us, we’ll still get ours at the local Dunky D’s. We have a coupon!

FIX YOUR PRIORITIES

Ya just gotta love when a marketing pitch opens like this: “The worst part about shooting home invaders is having to get out of bed to grab the shotgun.” (With thanks to our friends at Fark.com for the heads-up.) The product being shilled is called “The BackUp,” a gun rack that fits between your mattress and box spring, with two handy outside handles to keep your shotgun within reach while you’re sleeping. (Yes, really.) Don’t believe it? Check out the ad HERE. Because they’re only $39.95, “…many customers are buying one for EACH side of the bed,” they say. And we especially like the helpful caveat at the end: “Not intended for use in homes with children.” Yeah, thanks for that. Sometimes these things just write themselves.

BEAM ME . . . DOWN?

We reported earlier this week on the goings on at the National Funeral Director’s Association Expo in Las Vegas, and now we got late word of one of the best premieres of the show—and we missed it! Industry favorite Eternal Image, known for its innovative line of caskets and urns (and if you were in the business, you’d be pretty jazzed by all this), rolled out its new Star Trek offerings. Indeed, now the ultimate “Trekkie” (And yes, we’re glancing in Michigan’s direction, Dr. Mike) has a choice of a Star Trek-inspired funeral urn, and they also showed a prototype of a “Photon Torpedo”-inspired casket (Like the one Spock was sent off in). Look, it’s not for everyone, but there are enough fans out there to make this profitable. No word on how us non-fans are supposed to keep from snickering at the wake…

SOMEHOW, WE DON'T SEE THIS AS A DESTINATION

Word out of Las Vegas today is that funeral directors nationwide have gathered for the “National Funeral Director’s Association 2007 Annual Convention.” While we wonder just exactly how this group might whoop it up (And then got all creeped out thinking further about it) they are a huge business after all, and need to market themselves. So today they announced the launch of The Funeral Site.com, a go-to destination that answers any and all questions you might have about funerals and other “deadly” (Heh.) topics. Such as what, you ask? How about “What to Say”, “Videos” (Videos? Really??), “Pet Funerals”, and our favorite, “Common Funeral Myths.” You could easily get lost exploring around this site, but if I.T. catches you doing it at work, good luck explaining THAT to the boss.

IN OTHER DEATH NEWS

At the same convention, the Batesville Casket Co. unveiled their latest offerings for the industry. (And we REALLY wanna go to this show, just to see, y’know, what’s up. Yeah, we’re morbid.) The new products include: “Several new interchangeable casket corner designs that reflect a loved one's spirituality or branch of service”; “Several new cremation urn styles, including models that incorporate photographs, timepieces and stained glass”; and for you “green” folks, “two new veneer caskets, the Natural Cherry and the Dalton Select. Like all caskets in the New Classics veneer line, they feature Batesville's proprietary one-piece cap and patented Werzalit molded wood technology.” We have no idea what that means, but it sounds pretty cool. It’s all explained at Batesville.com.