Short Takes

A Cuffs Link

Oh, the things you find in the Valentine’s Day section of the local Rite Aid while waiting for a prescription refill... Burning questions:
* When did Rite-Aid break into the “naughty” novelties business?

* And when, exactly, did bondage become all the rage among the preschooler set?

TOUGH SELL

We can’t blame the folks at Fashion Scarves and Shawls.com for trying to convince men to wear their garb. If they’re successful, they stand to double their marketplace. But the pitch they sent us seemed a tad unconvincing, peppered with phrases like, “Men are adding color to their wardrobe with this fun twist,” and “the male gender is finding that … clothing doesn't always have to ‘just’ serve a purpose.” Wethinks they protesteth too much, especially by warning, “Avoid any scarfs that are shiny or shimmery.” (Yeah, thanks for that, Mr. Blackwell.) And they suggest, “Adding a long, thin off-white (eggshell) or white aviator style scarf with a black or brown leather jacket is a hot look that can take the fashionable male from day to evening.” We wore that once; the wife thought we looked “douchey.” Is that even a word?

NOT THE BEST GIFT YOU COULD GIVE

A company out of Portland, Ore., is marketing a new type of carryall bag that is sure to generate whispers. And not the good kind, either. The company is called “SafeSax,” and its clear, plastic eponymous bags have little pockets in rows on either side, that come complete with packaged, colored condoms! Think we’re kidding? Check out SafeSax.com. The bags range from the tiny ($29) with six condoms on each side, to the large ($59) with 25 condoms on each side. We’re not sure who their target audience is, but we can guarantee who it isn’t; The Daughter. Bear with us for a moment while we channel our late father: “Over My Dead Body!” Thanks, dad.

WHAT GOES 'SPLASH!', FOLLOWED BY PROFANITY?

That would be the sound of your expensive sunglasses slipping off your face and into the water. Sure, you can flail about like a madman trying to grab them as they sink to Davy Jones’ locker. But if you had the latest offering from FishGillz Sunglass Co., it wouldn’t be a problem. The company has just rolled out a line of floating sunglasses that are as stylish as they are practical. Available with Polarized lenses, the specs go for $50 a pair. (Kinda steep, considering we can buy shades from that guy over on 7th Avenue for two for $7. But they don’t float.) If they send us a demo pair (770 Broadway, NY 10003), we’ll throw them in the pool and let you know what happens.

THAT JUST LOOKS PAINFUL

We’re all in favor of products that make people look better or feel better about themselves, but a pitch we got today has us doubting the wisdom of such a blanket endorsement. The item in question is called the “Beautiful Lift,” and it’s marketed as being for women who want a bigger bust without surgery. Sounds fair enough, so we took a tour around their Web site at Beautiful Lift.com. It was all very informative until we hit the screen called “Instructions” and then made the mistake of clicking on “Video: Apply Beautiful Lift.” As the late Phil Rizzuto would exclaim, “Holy Cow!” You can see what we’re all flustered about Here, but be forewarned, it’s NOT safe for work. Unless you work in the Adult Industry. Yowza!

THERE ARE NO NEW IDEAS

Back in March we told you about “Bag, Borrow or Steal,” an online company renting out high-end handbags to women who want the look without laying out the bucks. Now comes word of some competition in the form of Still Chic.com, “a new site offering to Canadian and American online consumers the chance to rent designer handbags at affordable prices.” The site launches Aug. 15, and in order to reel in new customers, they’re holding a private, one-day sale. The catch? You have to give them your e-mail address. Bags vs. spam; Bags vs. spam. Decisions, decisions. Sometimes it really IS better to be a guy…

'REGRETS, I'VE HAD A FEW…'

Sinatra may have been right about some things, but we know he wasn’t singing about tattoos. Yet online tattoo site Tattoo Johnny.com has a new offering explained by the headline of their latest release: “Eliminate Tattoo Regret with the Tattoo Johnny Test Drive Kit.” The idea is, they’re selling a temporary tattoo that looks like the real thing. You can try it out for a few days before actually committing your skin to the needle. Not a bad idea, and a great way to market their site and tattoos in general. The test kit goes for only $3.98 plus S&H. And we’ve just decided we have a whole new putdown for someone we spy with an ugly tat: “Pssst; Look. They’ve got ‘Tattoo Regret.’” Bwah!

DON'T MESS WITH THE BIG BOYS

A story out of Sweden today will hopefully deter those mastermind counterfeiters from continuing their dastardly work. According to the Associated Press, a 15-year-old Swedish boy has been sued by both Chanel and Gucci for trademark infringement, for receiving 113 pairs of sunglasses from China with bogus Chanel and Gucci logos on them. The companies want the kid to pay for the destruction of the glasses, which raises the immediate question: “What does it cost to swing a hammer 113 times?” They also want him to pay court costs. For his part, the boy says he doesn’t know who sent him the glasses or why. Cynical parents across Sweden could be heard muttering, “A likely story.”

HOLY (SOMETHING), THAT SMELLS GOOD!

We don’t often associate perfume with religion, but a new brand out this week is attempting to do just that. Virtue perfume, reportedly based on an inspired Biblical formula, “…is designed to be a reminder of God, Christ, spiritual self and soul,” according to the manufacturer, IBI. (Pause. Long, twisty eye-roll. Back to work.) OK, maybe so, but then why, at their Web site Virtue Perfume.com, do they illustrate the product being used by half-naked women? Isn’t there some kind of conflict there, between the rapturous women and the idea of a “heavenly” fragrance? And don’t even get us started on their tagline: “Scent … from the Bible.” Sheesh.

“NEXT!”

There are plenty of things you can learn over the Internet, and a few that you probably shouldn’t. We got a release today from one that might fit in the latter category: Tattooing. A noted tattoo artist who shall rename nameless is marketing his online how-to, The Ultimate Tattoo Guide with all sorts of steps, caveats and other useful information at his Web site. We checked it out, and it looks fairly comprehensive, until we went to the disclaimer buried at the bottom: “The products sold at Ultimate-Tattoo-Guide.com are for informational purposes only. The author and publisher will not be held liable for any damages incurred regarding the information sold at the website. Anyone who purchases the product assumes their own liability and risk while using the product. I do not recommend learning how to tattoo without the training of a professional tattoo artist.” Yeah, us neither.