Short Takes

WHAT WAS OLD IS NEW AGAIN

Those of a certain age may remember the “Space Race” back in the ‘50’s, and all the products Madison Avenue came up with as tie-ins to those heady times. Now a Port Washington, N.Y., company is bringing a piece of it back in commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the Soviets’ launching of the Sputnik satellite. The product is “Space Food Sticks,” which is basically what its name implies: Food in stick form, much like what the early astronauts carried into space with them. We’re not sure how great the nostalgic appeal is; Back then, those who were there noted that the stuff had a less-than-appealing flavor, although a rep for the company says in a release that, “they actually taste good.” That’s a start. Details are at Space Food Sticks.com.

MORE WEIRD FOOD

Not to be outdone, our good friends at Hostess have put out the word that the venerable Hostess Sno-Ball snack cake is 60 this year. And while there’s not much more they can do to market the treat (Outside of notifying journalists like us, who are already fans, anyway. Sno-Balls. Mmmmm.), they took a survey to see who eats the most of them. Turns out the No.1 city for Sno-Ball consumption per capita is St. Louis, followed in descending order by Louisville, Ky., Grand Rapids, Mi., Roanoke, Va., and Hartford, Ct. And we have no idea what those numbers signify.

IF YOU HAVE A NICHE, SCRATCH IT

We here at Short Takes are always happy to stumble upon a new sales effort that targets a niche market. Today’s offering from Los Angeles highlights, as they put it, the “First Gay-Targeted, Wine-Interest Web Destination,” called Risque Sommelier. We had no idea there was even a need for such a site, but they explain it thusly: “In our society where wine enjoyment is increasing and the gay consumer segment is growing dramatically it was a need just begging to be met.” We’ll take their word for it. And we DO like their tagline: “Risque Sommelier … Just a Little Gay!” (We’re big on rhymes.)

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRINK

For those who feel the need to incorporate some holiness into every aspect of their life, there’s now a beverage just for them. SpiritualH2O “was born as bottled water with spirituality, positive thinking, prayers, God, and beliefs. You choose which bottle fits your needs and your feelings, read the prayer, drink the water, believe in God—and in yourself—and the sky’s the limit.” (Which, we’ll admit, is asking a LOT of a bottle of water.) And here’s another problem: “All products feature beautifully rendered artistic labels that depict full-color images of [a] holy person or symbols,” they state, So, what are you supposed to do when the bottle’s empty? You’re not allowed to just throw away holy pictures, are you? It’s a conundrum worthy of Solomon.

REALLY CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION

How far will folks go to make it seem like they’re “in the know?” One French vodka maker is trying to find out. Gold Flakes Supreme Vodka is pushing its new potable that contains actual flakes of real gold in a special “Gold Flakes Martini.” The idea is you order one of these, and then watch the envy on others’ faces as you sip a drink that contains, well, metal. Think we’re exaggerating? Their press copy reads thusly: “Made with ultra-premium Gold Flakes Supreme Vodka from France, the Gold Flakes Martini is guaranteed not only to taste great but to look stunning, too.” Yummy.

CAN YOU SAY 'OBSESSION'?

We’re not big fans of sweets, so we’re having a little trouble getting our head around this one. TasteTV has announced the launch of ChocolateTelevision.com, an online destination focusing on you-know-what. Or, as they noted in their release: “Chocolate Television is the only ongoing media brand dedicated 100% to the chocolate lifestyle. The program features chocolatier profiles, product reviews, interviews, tastings and wine pairings, events, and recipes.” Wow, our teeth hurt just thinking about it.

IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY

High-end U.K. chocolatier Hotel Chocolat has announced a new online presence here in the states at Hotel Chocolat.com, which, let’s face it, means it’s available everywhere because it’s (Duh!) the Internet. But they do make a nice case for their product, with a luxurious site showcasing the various sweets. And best of all, they seem to have the most beautiful people onsite, seemingly enjoying the product without gaining any extra poundage. (It’s an Internet MIRACLE!) While we don’t normally go out of our way for chocolate, we’ll make them a deal: If they send over the supermodel in the low-cut, slinky gown and she agrees to feed us, we’ll try their stuff. Or, they can just send samples to 770 Broadway NY, NY, 10003, and we’ll treat the staff. Yeah, we’re sporty that way.

SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE LATE-NIGHT IDEAS

Far be it from us to pooh-pooh any new ideas (Oh, who are we kidding?), but this one seems a bit out there even by our lax standards. The good folks at The Beer Journal are encouraging folks to buy their self-named product so they can remember their beers. (Italics added) “‘The Beer Journal’ is a tool in which beer drinkers, from casual tasters to connoisseurs, can create their own descriptions of the beers they experience. 'I could remember that I tried a particular beer, but it was hard for me to remember much more than I liked it or did not like the beer' says the product’s creator" in a release. (And the bluenose in us rolls his eyes.) They also note that “‘The Beer Journal’ is available in three different formats; soft cover, spiral bound, and hardback.” Or you could just go buy a notebook and save yourself $25.95. To spend on BEER!

SNOB APPEAL HAS A PRICE

We’ll admit right up front we’re intimidated by wine. We like it, but don’t know enough to buy it “correctly,” and we end up choosing a bottle on price and how much we like the label art. So we can assume that the “Silhouette” wine glasses being marketed by a company of the same name aren’t for us. The glasses are unique in that one side of the stemware has a smoothed cut-out (click on photo below for larger view); the idea is you can place the glass tightly against your face, putting your nose in the cut-out, and breathe in the bouquet (Quoting the movie “Sideways” now: “No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any f***ing Merlot!” We know the feeling.) But we’re sure they have a very select audience in mind: the glasses go for a gulping $78 EACH, but as a special to “Short Takes” readers, right now they’re “only” $54 each, at Greatest Wine Glass.com. And that reminds us, we have to stop at Trader Joe’s on the way home tonight. We need a few bottles of their “own” brand of Cabernet: $2.99 each. Yeah, that’s the ticket…

TOUGH SELL

Marilyn Manson is a “musician” (Yes, those are “air quotes,” but remember, we’re old) who has a taste for the macabre. So it should come as no surprise that the gothic rocker is now marketing his own brand of absinthe liquor (With thanks to our friends at MSNBC for the tipoff). The distilled beverage has a shady history, as one of its ingredients is wormwood, which contains a toxic chemical that in large quantities can cause kidney failure, seizures and even death. (Aren’t you glad your agency doesn’t have THAT account?) The stuff, cleverly named “Mansinthe” reportedly is 66.6% alcohol. (Yes, we get it: “666.” Oooooh.) But all this publicity is probably for naught; The stuff’s been banned in the U.S. for decades, which is just as well. What if you drank it and ended up looking like him?