Short Takes

THE UNWRAPPING MIGHT BE FUN

The Valentine’s Day onslaught of gift ideas is in full swing, and we’re wading through them all. One that stopped us cold today came courtesy of Pia Esthetics Day Spa and Body Shop in Tampa, Fla. They’re pushing a “Betty Beauty Hair Dye Kit” as an ideal V-Day present. We don’t know quite how to describe this, but suffice to say it’s NOT for the hair on your head. (Blushing furiously now.) “Available in brown, black, blonde, auburn, green, red, pink and with holiday stencils, the playful kits include easy-to-use instructions and are certain to ‘get your betty ready’,” they tell us in a release. Full details are at their site, ByPia.com. And now we need to go lie down with a cold compress.

IS THIS A PROBLEM?

We here at Short Takes are constantly amazed at what people try to market … usually successfully. Today’s “Exhibit A” comes from Synerfied Healthcare, a company pushing “NodorO,” which is touted as being “specifically created to remove and prevent MGO (Male Genital Odors).” Wait, WHAT?! In a release, the creator and company president declares, “I have no more fears of repulsing my partner due to bad genital odors. For anyone who has ever dealt with MGO, it is a miracle cream. I went from being embarrassed because of the smell, to being confident.” Which is WAAAAY more information than we needed. Details, FAQs and ordering info is available at the confidently named Web site, I Smell Perfect.com. But be patient; apparently demand is so high, their server keeps crashing.

TAKES ALL KINDS

Because we have long arms, we have no problems reaching our back in the shower. But for you “stubby-armed” folk out there, now there’s Soap Cinch. The bath product is being touted as a “bionic loofah,” complete with rope and tab so you can wash your back as the device “cradles” a bar of soap within. It looks for all the world like a cloth bag that you drop the soap in, pull the rope tight and wash away. Uhhh, OK, but wouldn’t a Big WashCloth, properly soaped up, do the same? Go to Soap Cinch.com and decide for yourself.

TATTOO WHO?

According to a recent poll we have no intention of checking, some 17% of people who get tattoos regret doing so. That same poll also points out that “Republicans and people from the South have the highest incident of regret,” which we find utterly amusing. So, what to do? The good folks at Wrecking Balm are marketing the answer with their eponymous Tattoo Fade System. They claim it’s cheaper than a laser and works almost as well. Full details are at their Web site, but as best as we can determine, you have to apply the stuff daily and your regrettable Tat will fade over time. And we especially like this warning on their FAQ page: “It is not recommended for fading tattoos covering facial or genital areas of the body. See warnings before use.” Yeah. Shoulda thought of that before you had your groin inked.

CAPSAICIN, THE MIRACLE CURE

It’s been a while since we wrote about any new products containing Capsaicin, the pepper-based ingredient that cures a numbers of ills. Now BlairLab is out with a new skin cream based on Capsaicin called Biocap, which allegedly wipes out wrinkles. There are a number of before-and-after shots on their homepage that seem to bear out the claims. “It gives you a youthful, healthy, glowing complexion faster than Retinol, far superior to vitamin C, and without irritation, needles, or surgery,” they say. A cure in a tube? They’ll probably sell millions.

WISH WE'D THOUGHT OF THIS

Every once in a while, someone comes out with a new product that makes you go, “Oh! Of course!” Today’s offering comes to us courtesy of HairFree, a hairbrush that self-cleans and removes excess hair. While it’s not the most earth-shaking new idea, the value lies in its simplicity. Pull a knob on the handle, and the base of the bristles rises up to push the collected hair off. As they say in the Guinness ads, “Brilliant!” Details are at the Web site, but it’s got audio, so be forewarned.

MORE THAN WE NEEDED TO KNOW

We can appreciate how some folks need to get all their information into a press release; journalists like us don’t have time to wade through ‘em all. But this one from online beauty supply store Hair off the Square.com (and we REALLY don’t want to know what that means) stopped us in our tracks. They’re marketing “30 new Dead Sea hair care, skin care, body wraps and saggy-skin-firming products,” they said in a release. As we’re mostly bald, we don’t care much for fancy shampoos. But then they added this item that they’re shilling as well: “We would also like to introduce our newest in shaving treatment that allows women and men to shave the bikini line and tender pubic hair areas without any harsh creams or gels that contain some of the chemicals that actually cause shave bumps.” Whoa, Who, WHOA! Too much info there, pal. But thanks for sharing . . . and for the visual.

AND WE HIT THE TRIFECTA

Dunno why, but we also got THIS little treat in our inbox today: Noriko of Japan is pushing not a wig, but a “Hair Enhancer.” As best as we can discern, it’s a “hair cap” that’s to be used by people with a bit of hair loss they want to cover up (Which pretty well describes Your Faithful Correspondent; see pic under “Blog Spot” at Brandweek.com). The caps “…allow you the freedom to part your enhancer where you like it, and feel very soft to the scalp, if you are sensitive in that way” they say (Awww.) They also note these are NOT wigs, so “four pressure-sensitive wig clips are used to attach the enhancer to your existing hair. Important: This means you have to have some hair to attach the hair enhancer.” Rats, foiled again. See the contraption in all its glory at Wig Salon.com.

THE PRISSY NEED NOT APPLY

We like when marketers cut the crap and get to the point, which is what we found today from an Ohio company shilling ManSoap. The product is just that, soap for men, according to their release: “Mansoap targets the edge of the male health and beauty market. "We like being fresh for the ladies, but we want to smell like a man ... not a flower," says company rep “Virgil.” “Mansoap is the answer. We could tell you more about it. But who cares? Get over here and buy some soap.” And the artwork at ManSoap.us doesn’t pull any punches, either. Our first visit showed us a guy from the back with a prominent “Plumber’s Crack.” A few screens later it had changed to a woman in too-tight workout gear. Both featured the tag, “Wash me.”

YOU'LL LOSE SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT . . .

Got a pitch from Sövage Dermatologic Laboratories who are pushing what they call their “Tummy Flattening Gel.” The stuff, in a 6 oz. tube, is supposed to do what its name implies. But a careful reading of the press release notes (with italicized caps added), “In simple terms, Sövage Tummy Flattening Gel makes your midsection, or anywhere else you apply it, LOOK flatter, trimmer and much more well defined.” And then there’s this: “Apply TFG to your waist or tummy and (with diet and exercise, of course) watch as they BEGIN TO APPEAR thinner, trimmer and tighter.” But there is one part that will definitely be thinner: Your wallet. The stuff goes for $119 a tube! Those who dare to dream can get full details at Sovage.com.