Short Takes

CHRISTMAS NICHE

What with the push for Christmas “things” getting bigger every year, it makes sense that someone would see an odd opportunity and move on it. That company today is storage specialist TreeKeeper Bag.com, which makes, appropriately enough, storage bins and keepers for all your high-end Christmas décor. The company is pushing a complete line, with special containers for your artificial tree, wreath, lights, ornaments and more. We have no quibble with their product, but their timing leaves a little something to be desired. Today is, after all, just 10 days away from Halloween! Rush much?

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

Normal people might be mortified to find themselves portrayed as a Halloween Costume this time of year, but celebrities are different than the rest of us. Maybe that’s why Dress Up America.com is pushing its “Paris Hilton Adult Sexy Halloween Prison Costume.” (Yes, really.) We’re kinda gobsmacked at the very idea, but here’s what they say: “Princess in Prison contains all needed accessories, so the customer does not have to spend the time and money to find all accessories needed. (Ed.: Redundancy much?) The costume includes a long blond wig, famous large frame sunglasses, Tinkerbell the chihuahua in a purse and a prison dress with matching hat. The costume is available in white stripes, pink stripes, orange and orange stripes, in sizes small, medium and large.” And that whirring sound you hear in the distance is our Founding Fathers.

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT

Online artificial tree manufacturer Treetopia.com has apparently gotten tired of waiting for the Christmas season to roll around to make all its money for the year. So the California company is now marketing the “Black Tiger Tree,” which it tells us is made with black needles and pre-strung with orange lights, just in time for you-know-what. And why would anyone want one, especially when the seven-foot version goes for a whopping $359? “We didn't really understand why the tradition of putting up a decorative tree isn't extended to holidays other than Christmas,” they said. “Why not put a scary tree in your front yard and invite trick-or-treaters to pluck candy from its branches?” Oooh, Oooh, we know: “Because the greedy little S.O.B.’s will grab as much candy as they can before running off, THAT’S why!” Yeah, we’re not big on Halloween.

IT'S OFFICIAL: WE'VE TAKEN OVER HALLOWEEN

Online costume retailer CostumeHub.com has confirmed what we’ve long suspected: Halloween is no longer for kids. In an effort to push even more costumes over the next couple of weeks, CostumeHub has officially given grownups permission to act all goofy by noting that Adult Costumes now account for 62% of their sales. We wish them luck; four weeks and one day from now, they’re gonna have 62% of NO market . . . until next year.

MAYBE JUST DO YOUR JOB BETTER

Stuck on You is a company that makes whimsical stickers, luggage tags, clothing labels and more for easy identification of kids’ property. But in an effort to grab some market share this Halloween, they’re pushing an odd product: They call it the Stick With Me Identification Wristband. “Each wristband is blank and allows for parents to fill in the appropriate information such as a parent's name and a contact number,” they said in a release. “The Stick With Me Identification Wristbands are an essential safety item for children going trick-or-treating this Halloween. It will put parent's minds at ease when sending children out this Halloween.” Seriously, that’s all it would take to put your mind at ease when sending your kid out? Where do you live: Oz? Do the right thing; put a wristband on your kid, then escort them until safely home. This ain’t rocket science, Britney…

HOW TO GET YOUR HOUSE EGGED

Continuing our ongoing theme of Marketers Who Push Their Stuff Early, we heard today from Memory Cross.com, a site pushing an alternative to Halloween candy. The religious destination thinks Halloween is a great way to Spread the Word, and as such they’re offering free “Memory Cross” cards in place of candy (We think; it’s unclear) to what they call “Trunk-or-Treaters.” And just what is this freebie? “Memory Cross is a 4-panel, origami style card that kids will find fascinating. As they fold through each of the panels the salvation message is presented. Kids simply will not be able to put this card down and parents also will be amazed at how it works.” Yeah, the kids’ll be delighted to get that instead of a Hershey Bar. Not.

WHY WE LOVE OUR READERS

It’s well known in this space that we have little tolerance for marketers who push the time-boundaries of selling holiday goods. Yet as we prep for Labor Day with its attendant barbecues and beer-chugging, we heard from an Atlanta reader similarly disdainful of such tawdry tactics. With thanks to Trace B., we run her note in its entirety: “ I just thought to add to your excitement, I'd let you know that the ‘Paula Deen Food Magazine Special Christmas Issue’ is already for sale in my local Publix. Just in case you need four to five months to stock up on krispy kremes, lard, and grits, I guess.” There oughta be a prize….

BE HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

Our ongoing look askance at marketers who rush a holiday continues anew today, this time with a push from Season Dreams, makers of pre-lit Christmas Trees offering “something for everyone—from the holiday decorating traditionalists to the trend-setters who dare to decorate outside the box.” But it was this particular mention that caught our eye: “One of the newest additions is the Upside-Down Pre-lit Christmas Tree. Inspired by a 12th century European tradition, this unique pre-lit tree offers a dramatic twist on an old tradition and is a perfect solution for those with less-spacious areas to decorate. You can see it Here. Oooh, we’d like one of those in our living room.

SPEAKING OF WORKING UP A SWEAT

Here at Short Takes, our predilection of getting ourselves in a lather over businesses that push holiday marketing too early is well known. We found a kindred soul today in the headline writer at the Houston Chronicle.com, who led a story with this pithy line: “For some stores and consumers, the Christmas season has already gotten under way.” (Wait, WHAT?!) Seems a Texas store called the Hobby Lobby admitted to starting its Christmas set-up in June. And as huffy as we personally get about it, it seems there are customers who appreciate the effort. Said one: “I like to start my Christmas shopping early, and usually I'll get a good deal. Last year around this time I stumbled upon an 80-percent-off sale on some really great Christmas stuff. It's worth it." Now we need to go lay down with cup of cool eggnog.

PUSHING THE HOLIDAY, CHAPTER SEVEN

Got another release today, just in time for … Halloween? Yes, LA-based Pinup Girl Clothing has announced its new lineup of outfits for the upcoming costume day, just ten short weeks away. (Uck. October!) “With the popularity of adults taking advantage of the holiday to step into an alter-ego character, role-play costumes are expected to be popular this season,” the company declared in a release. They also were kind enough to supply some info on what folks might be wearing: “Pinup Girl Clothing's new 2007 line of adult Halloween costumes will include not only pirate costumes and French court costumes, but also new designs on traditional favorites such as nurse costumes, beer wench costumes and French maid costumes.” Our question is, who’s throwing these parties? Every one we’ve ever been invited to featured poorly configured witch and Dracula outfits, with a smattering of supposedly straight guys in drag. But then again, we have some odd friends. No surprise there.