Short Takes

ATTACK OF THE BEDBUGS!

Whenever we stay at a hotel, we always pull back the bedcovers REALLY FAST. If we don’t see any creepy-crawlies running, we assume the bed is clean. Now the scare-mongers at Adirondack Towels and Scrubs have put a new fear in our heart as they try to promote their “SterilMattress Mattress Cleaning System.” Here’s the opening from their press release: “Hotel mattress [sic] are a bounty of shed human skin cells and allergens including dust mite feces, pollen, spores, fungi, mold, mildew, bacteria and viruses. These organisms and pathogens thrive in the micro-habitat of a mattress. All of them can seriously affect hotel guests and employees.” (Oh, ya think so, Hazel?) So Adirondack has teamed with Texas company SterilMattress to push the aforementioned system. It includes a powerful vacuum, portable light wand, special spray and more. Details are at their Web site, but here’s the bottom line: The system goes for $1,395! Somehow, we can sooner see hotels just putting fresh sheets atop the bed and hoping for the best.

WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' ROOM SERVICE!

San Francisco’s Hotel Triton has taken the idea of “service” to a whole ‘nother level. The famed inn, known for providing suites designed by—and reminiscent of—celebrities like Jerry Garcia, Carlos Santana and Kathy Griffin (There, Griffin, we put you on the “A” list. Happy?), has now opened a suite dedicated to Ice Cream. The “Sweet Suite” sponsored by Haagen-Dazs features a waffle-textured bed throw, a color scheme of vanilla and caramel, chocolate- and vanilla-scented candles, and (SFX: Drumroll) a cooler filled with all the Haagen-Dazs you can eat, for FREE! It’s the first branded room for the hotel, but judging by the strong response, it won’t be the last. Someone please call us when they build the “Beer Room.”

WE CAN ALWAYS HIDE OUT HERE

Hotel wars in New York City are nothing new, but now one innkeeper is upping the stakes again. The Premier Hotel in Times Square is introducing rooms with an allergen-friendly environment. “To maintain ideal conditions in the room, a state-of-the-art air purification system is installed, creating air quality that averages four times cleaner than the threshold for asthma patients. This system is registered by the FDA as a Class II medical device. In addition, special micro-fiber hypo-allergenic pillow cases and mattress covers are used in the room to eliminate dust, dander and dust-mite related allergens usually associated with common bedding,” the company says. Now if they just throw in some water purification products, colloidal silver and BDUs, we’d be ready to move in.