Short Takes

ANOTHER UPDATE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF THE OBVIOUS

Feeling stressed? You’re not alone. According to a new survey from Sundance Spas in honor of National Stress Awareness Month (Which, we must admit, sounds pretty much like a made-up observance, but whadda we know?), some 94% of adults think it’s “somewhat important” to relax after a stressful day. (And the other 6% think…what? “Man, I’m glad I’m all tweaked up!”) The survey also found that 76% of adults are stressed by work, 73% by travel and—no surprise here—42% feel a need to unwind after being with FAMILY. (We can relate) This is all a roundabout way of Sundance saying that their product—hot tubs—help relieve stress. Ya know, sometimes companies send us stuff for writing about them, even when we’re Not So Nice. If a hot tub shows up next week, those guys in the mailroom are NOT going to be amused….

"WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN' AT?", PART II

If you think you have some marketing challenges in your line, be glad your client isn’t Starmark Funeral Products. The company that makes items used in cremation is trying to draw some attention, so they did so by taking a survey on “preferences with regard to cremation services, caskets and urns.” (Brrrr; we just got a chill.) Anyway, the company found the following: “Whether it's vanity or modesty, over 75% [of respondents] want to be clothed when cremated. In fact, most specified that they don't want to be wearing just any clothes. They want to be dressed in meaningful attire.” (Like a fire-retardant suit? Heh.) Also, “58% responded that they would like to avoid having their remains kept with the family. In fact, only 4% would prefer to have their remains in an urn in a loved one's home.” (Note to self: take grandma off the closet shelf.) The complete survey can be found HERE. But if you really want to get Oooked out, check out their complete line of products HERE. Man, we’re not gonna sleep a wink tonight.

SURVEY: TOOTH FAIRY STARTING TO CHEAP OUT

Securian Dental plans are available in 46 states, and they’d probably like to expand to an even 50, so they, too, have a new poll out, but this one looks at how much money “The Tooth Fairy” leaves under kids’ pillows. We were all set to pass on it, but then we looked at the numbers. Crikey! According to Securian, “The average ‘gift’ children received was $1.71 per tooth in 2007, compared to $2 in 2006—a decrease of 29 cents or 14.5%.” Wait, it gets better: “According to the poll, Tooth Fairy gift amounts ranged from a low of 25 cents to a high of $25 per tooth.” (Italics added) And we can’t wait to get home tonight and wave those numbers (especially that 25 cents part) in front of a certain son’s face. Seems “someone” was in a pouty mood for weeks a few years ago when the The Tooth Fairy (Uhhh, that would be us) accidentally forgot to leave a buck under the pillow in exchange for one bicuspid. Like it was intentional! Sheesh.

UPDATE FROM THE 'STATING THE OBVIOUS' DEPT.:

Here at The Daily Insider, we like surveys. They provide a glimpse into a world we might not otherwise explore while giving a little exposure to the manufacturer behind it, but one such report that came in today gave itself away in the headline. It read: “Americans Seeking Greater Sexual Satisfaction.” (Oh, really? Who saw that coming? No pun intended.) But it wasn’t all flaccid news. The survey from condom-maker Durex notes that Americans “do the do” about 114 times a year, well above the world average of 103. (Yay, us!) They also found “Americans (48%) are more sexually satisfied than Australians (42%), Europeans (40%) and people in Asia Pacific countries who are the least satisfied (35%).” We feel like saying “Neener-neener,” but that might seem a tad immature, and throw off the whole survey, so we’ll pass. You can see all the impressive numbers (Size counts!) at Durex Sexual Wellbeing.com . And that concludes our attempt at double-entendres for today.

ATTRACT ATTENTION; USE 'KINKIEST' IN A HEADLINE

We just discovered that we’ll read even the most remote pitches, if it has good words in the headline. Case in point, a release from online dating site OKCupid.com, which led its piece with “OKCupid.com Poll Reveals Kinkiest, Loneliest, Most Religious States in America.” The idea was to draw some attention to the free site by pointing out the unique “attributes’ (Ahem.) of various states. Hey, it worked for us! And we’ll spare you the suspense. According to OKCupid, America’s kinkiest women live in New York (Yay!) and the kinkiest men live in Florida. We’d give you the rest of their findings but really, who cares?