Short Takes

GOING UPSCALE, DOWN THERE

No, you Perv, we’re talking about shoes; specifically, plastic shoes, although these are being marketed to an affluent audience. They come to us via a Brazilian company called “Melissa,” whose Web site is Here, but it’s in Portuguese, so that’s not very helpful. (But we thank Cool Hunting.com for the tip-off, where you can see more details. Scroll down.) The shoes are worth a look, because the company has thoughtfully infused the material with “a mixture of jellybeans, lollipops and gumballs for an association of a happy childhood,” should your tootsies start to stank. They’re allegedly pretty comfortable too. What’s not to like?

GOING 'GREEN' GETS COSTLY

We’re on board with the latest “green” movements sweeping the country, and we try to do our part. So we were pleased to hear about a new line of vegan shoes being marketed called NOHARM. “NOHARM is at the vanguard of this new era and is proud and honoured to introduce an exciting range of high fashion, cruelty-free, vegan footwear for the discerning and ethically responsible consumer,” they said in a release. The products are made without child labor, utilizing “socially responsible employment practices”, in an “eco-conscious, environmentally-friendly” atmosphere. You can see them for yourself at Amazon.com, by searching for (all caps) NOHARM. But here’s the downer; as nice as they look, they start at $275 a pair. Ow. Sorry, but for that price, we’re gonna have to go with the “a little harm” brand.

PERFECT FOR AIRPORT SECURITY!

With everyone a tad nervous about air travel these days, we wonder about the wisdom of these new shoes from ArchPort. The company has a line of sandals and sneakers that contain a “secret” compartment beneath the arch of each of them. “ArchPort sandals and athletic shoes include open cavities and removable compartments in the soles of footwear, which can be used to conveniently carry all types of personal possessions,” the company said in a release. They’re ostensibly to be used for keys, spare cash or other sundry items, but we can just imagine the face of the screener as they pop up on the x-ray machine while you’re trying to make your flight. Can you say “Cavity search”?

SOMETHING WE'D GET A KICK OUT OF

SafetyToes International of Canada also makes a niche product, mostly for industrial sale. The product they’re touting this week is the “Slipp-R,” a slip-on safety-toe overshoe for folks who need to come in off the street and tour a plant or facility where that plant doesn’t want all their “shoe-gunk” on the floor (Yeah, they said so in so many words.) So their product slips on over your shoe, and even comes with a steel toe. Best of all, they tell us, it’s made of “vulcanized rubber,” and resists “acid, oil and animal fat.” We don’t tour plants all that much, but with the tourist mobs these summer days in New York blocking the subway doors going, “Is this our stop? Is this our stop?”, a steel-toed overshoe would come in mighty handy. Hope they send us a sample in Size 10. All the details are at Safety Toes.com

STEP RIGHT UP

More in keeping with the season under way, Moszkito, Inc. has launched its 2007 Sandal Collection with a nice line of casual footwear, except for one rather unique offering it calls the “Snake Charmer.” The flip-flops are “jeweled with 24 round, full-cut diamonds … in luxurious black full-grain leather … designed with a built-in arch for comfort and support. Moszkito offers the perfect combination of comfort and elegance. $20,000.00.” (Wait, WHAT?!) You can see them at their Web site, but seriously, where can you wear them? You’d have to Tell everyone they had diamonds, because everyone will just assume they’re rhinestones anyway. So why not just swing by Kohl’s and pick up a faux pair for $9.99? We’re just sayin’…

THINGS WE NEVER KNEW, PART 5

We really should get out more. Now there’s a new product on the market designed to “protect high heels from damage caused by sidewalk cracks, escalators, curbs, car mats and other abrasive surfaces.”(Seriously; we had no idea this was a problem. Is this one reason SOMEONE in our house buys lots of shoes?) The invention is called Smart Heel, a plastic shield that slips over the high heels of fancy dress shoes to protect them while the wearer is walking. Question: If the shoe needs that, doesn’t that make the shoe kind of a piece of crap? (Again, we’re male, and our shoes last for YEARS.) The wearer is then supposed to remove the Smart Heel protectors upon arrival at the fancy venue. Thankfully, they have a full instructional video at their Web site showing how it’s done. Seems like it would be smarter just to wear sneakers and change when you got there….

REASON NO. 7 WE'RE GLAD WE'RE NOT FEMALE

The timing of this pitch seems to be off by a few months, but we’re still struck by the weirdness of it all. The product being marketed is called “BootiePies”, which are suede boots you’re supposed to wear to the nail salon for a pedicure. Once your feetsies are done, you press down on the boot toe (which collapses), so that your freshly painted nails are exposed (and presumably won’t shmear) for the trip home. (What, you think we’re kidding? See how they work Here.) So, for a rather rich $128, you can get boots that are pretty useless in wet weather, but will keep your nails looking good in open-toed shoes. Or, you could just sit in the salon for a few minutes until the polish dries. We’re just sayin’….

AHEAD OF ITS TIME

The folks who make Zipz Shoes have an interesting product they’re pushing: Canvas shoes for kids where you can unzip the entire top, and replace it with another zip-on style or color. For persnickety children who like to have a say in how they dress (Our little heir once came downstairs in sandals with black socks pulled up to his knees, a look quickly vetoed by Mom), Zipz Shoes offer a nice alternative. One obvious problem that we see; don’t kids in their target demographic (toddler sizes 4-11 and youth sizes 12-4) outgrow their shoes every three months or so? Maybe the company foresaw this; Plans to expand the line with coordinating hats, handbags and other accessories with the Zipz system are in the works. See at demo for yourself at Zipz Shoes.com.

IF THE SHOE FITS…

What would you do if you could take your most comfortable pair of shoes, and clone them? That might be the idea behind Skins Inc., a New York shoemaker pushing a unique idea in footwear. The shoes come in two parts: The “bone” or solid structure part that supports your foot, and “skins” of various materials and styles, that interchangeably wrap around the “bone.” It’s a lot easier to understand if you visit their Web site at Skins Footwear and watch an instructional video. Just don’t be too creeped out by the “skins” shown laying about sans “bone structure.” They look a little like that farmer the alien gobbled up and then spit out in Men in Black. At least to these eyes, anyway…

A GIFT THAT’S A SHOE-IN

(And no, we couldn’t resist the pun. We have no self-restraint whatsoever) OnlineShoes.com has come up with a rather unique proposition to boost sales and draw in new customers. The online shoe store has rolled out “Shoephoria” (gotta love the name), a shoe-of-the-month club. Generous gift-givers are invited to sign up a lucky recipient, who will receive a new pair of shoes monthly for a year. “Shoephoria lets men and women tap into their true passion for shoes. People don't buy shoes just for the sake of practicality.(Ed. Oh, Reeeeeally?) Shoes are a form of personal expression," said a company rep. But be forewarned, such expression ain’t cheap. A “monthly fix,” (Their words, not ours) goes for a rather steep upfront payment of $1,000. Less frequent (and less expensive) offerings are also available at the site. And on a personal note, to the spouse: Sorry, no. You have enough shoes.