Short Takes

IS THERE A MARKET FOR THIS?

Depending on whom you ask, the divorce rate in this country stands between 50 and 60%. That’s prompted one savvy entrepreneur to begin marketing a ring he claims can help reverse the trend. Angelo Enterprises of Phoenix is pushing the “SOAMI” (“So am I”) ring for guys who are so in love (and engaged) they want a special ring that says so. (Pause; eye-roll; low-voiced “Sheesh!” heard.) “I wanted a ring that would be a reminder of what we mean to each other every time I see the letters SOAMI,” he said in a release. Those less cynical than Your Faithful Scribe can decide for themselves at So Am I Ring.com

'IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME . . .'

Cher might’ve had it right back when she was singing the blues, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Entrepreneur Joshua Opperman didn’t know what to do with his expensive ring after he and his fianceé broke it off. So he started a new site I Do Now I Don’t.com as a destination for folks wanting to sell a cursed ring, and those who want to buy one at a discount. (Hey, takes all kinds.) The site has also developed as a mixing place for folks to trade tales of woe. But what we like best is that it even has banner ads for —get this—The Knot wedding site. Can you say “Irony”?

BECAUSE WEDDINGS ARE EXERCISES IN MODESTY

Not to be left behind on the “green” front, Beaucoup Wedding Favors is also marketing its green line of products, to lend an air of concern to the happy day. Among its offerings of wedding favors and gifts are “biodegradable all-natural jute wine bags,” “beautifully scented lavender wedding rice,” “custom-made cards attached to special handmade paper that has wildflower seeds embedded in it for [guests] to grow in their own garden,” and “mini lucky bamboo plants … believed to bring good fortune to all who possess it.” Riiiiight. We wish them luck, but in our Long Island nabe, where weddings can cost fifty grand and up, we don’t expect to see many Bridezillas opting for the “jute wine bags” as giveaways.

IT'S IN THE STARS

Brides Magazine is trying to keep brides-to-be in tune with what they’re selling, so they’ve added another feature to their online empire: Astrology. Or as they put it so eloquently in a release: “Brides.com/astrology allows visitors to match up their zodiac signs for insight into their star alignment and customize a weekly updated Brideoscope (Ed.: “BrideOScope”?) to be sent to their personal e-mail addresses. Brides-to-be can also consult the Cosmic Wedding Planner for complete astrological guidance from engagement to honeymoon and find out why it works, what to work on and a recommended song in Brides.com's Mate Matcher section.” All good advice, especially if you let the stars guide your life. And here’s our advice if you prefer a more realistic way: “Don’t Marry a Loser.”

DISNEY SEIZES ON THE OBVIOUS

We have no idea what took them so long, but the Disney Company today announced a collaboration with designer Kirstie Kelly to market a line of line of wedding gowns under the banner “Kirstie Kelly For Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings.” In a release, the two companies said “The collection combines a fashion-forward look with timeless elements inspired by the Disney Princesses themselves, including Ariel, Aurora/Sleeping Beauty, Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine and Snow White.” The gowns will sell for between $1,000 and $3,500 each, and there will be a complementary line of flower girls’ dresses as well. Details are at Disney Consumer Products.com. But not everyone is impressed. One wag in our office sniffed, “It makes sense. Disney princesses are among the few remaining Americans who can still, technically, wear white to their weddings.” Mee-Owww!

GROWING WITH THE TIMES

Back in the day (Waaaay back), if a girl got pregnant out of wedlock, she was soon standing before a judge and she and her hubby had a “premature” baby less than nine months later. Turning that old notion sharply on its head, Mimi Maternity.com and A Pea in the Pod.com are now selling Maternity Wedding Gowns. A release sent our way noted “A Pea in the Pod's strapless all over lace trim gown is the perfect picture of grace and sophistication, and the Mimi Maternity long silk sleeveless dress with back bow detail creates a classic, traditional look that every bride loves. It's the perfect time to celebrate the pregnant silhouette, and beauty and elegance are never compromised.” And ignore that “whirring” sound you hear; that’s just Mom spinning in her grave…

A BRIDE THOUGHT THIS UP

Last time we checked, for a wedding the groom’s responsibilities were A) Show up, and B) Don’t forget the ring. Everything else is all about the bride. So we were a bit surprised to see the marketing push for the new site, Groom Groove.com. It purports to tell pending grooms everything they need to know about their big day, including How to Get Engaged, Preparing for the Big Day and Best Wedding Movie Picks. The site is working with an upcoming book aimed at grooms, set for 2008 publication. We wish them luck, but we don’t know any prospective grooms who would buy—let alone read—such a tome. Remember, there’s a reason they say, “It’s the Bride’s Big Day!”

BURY THE PAST, LITERALLY

You’ve got to hand it to Westchester, N.Y., divorcee Jill Testa. After her 20-year marriage ended, she hammered her wedding band into a pancake, but then didn’t know what to do with it. So she and her brother invented the Wedding Ring Coffin, which they’re now marketing online at the eponymous Web site. It’s exactly what it sounds like; a miniature coffin to place a wedding ring that’s no longer worn. And for $29.95 plus shipping, you can also get an engraved plaque to go with it, with an option of sayings including, “Six feet isn’t deep enough!” Oooh, bitter much?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAVED A WEDDING INVITATION?

Yesterday we told you about a new magazine aimed at men who are about to get married. That short mention was all it took to open the floodgates of wedding-related promotions that are now choking our in-box. First up was a pitch from a LaCrosse, Wis., company called Keepsake Wedding Invitations , which is pushing “customized, screen-printed metal wedding invitations.” (Yes, really; we couldn’t possibly make this up.) And why would anyone want this? They were kind enough to answer the question in their own release: “These slim, high-design invitations, which fit in a standard envelope, add a heightened level of sophistication to the mainstream marriage announcement,” they said. “They also create an instant keepsake for everyone on the guest list.” Maybe, maybe not. Last time we went to a wedding, we stuck the invite in our suit pocket. Next time we put on that suit, months later (No, we DON’T get it cleaned every time; most guys don’t.) there was the invitation. Which we immediately trashed.

ARE YA FEELIN’ LUCKY?

For many engaged couples, this coming July represents a time to start their wedded life off on the right foot by getting married on the 7th. Unfortunately for many, the date (7/7/07) was booked at most catering facilities a long time ago, so retail giant Wal-Mart is stepping in with its “Lucky in Love” contest. Those interested in entering can go to Wal-Mart.com/Gift Registry for a chance to be married in Wal-Mart’s Lawn and Garden Center. Winners will get a wedding package valued at over $5,000 for up to 77 guests, including party, rings, cake, flowers, a $1,000 Wal-Mart gift card and more. On the downside, well, they’ll be getting married at Wal-Mart. That may not be to everyone’s liking, but c’mon, it’s Free!